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humor lists snippets wit writing

7 quick truths

  1. No one who truly likes to read would organize books based on their color.
  2. Those who use the term “It’s all good” are most likely masochists. This is perhaps a result of institutionalization.
  3. If you’re the type who backs into a parking space, then you are not living in the now. Practice presence and pull in front first.
  4. Sentences of doom many times start with, “By the way.”
  5. “By the way” is a passive-aggressive conversation segue.
  6. When innocently uttered, “By the way” is just lazy or tactless.
  7. The phrase also can be perceived as conversational efficiency.
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lists poetry prose snippets writing

On personal solubility

I’ve pinned a button onto my jacket that denotes me as soluble. Pure and simple. It’s a blue button with white text.

  • I’ve a high potential for condensation. I feel I could dissolve like salt in warm water.
  • In an argument, I can disintegrate into clumps like acrylic in an acetone bath.
  • Don’t ever wet me or expose me to sudden cold. I need to acclimate to avoid eventual evaporation.
  • When I think of soluble, I recall the Wicked Witch of the West withering. I think of candle wax burning.
  • If I had it my way, I would rather not leave this Earth in water form. I would prefer to splatter into fiery sparks.
  • Or else become a genie fog that curls into a porcelain lamp like a plume of vape smoke traveling back inside your mouth.
  • Or drift past the Milky Way into the starry spray of the multiverse.
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humor lists snippets writing

Glut(s)

  1. Glut feelings
  2. Follow your glut
  3. It takes gluts
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lists snippets writing

Roles for a Ramsey

  • Dock worker
  • Career college student
  • Australian outdoor adventure show host
  • Bicycle shop sales manager
  • James Bond character
  • Nightclub owner
  • Skydiver
  • Racketeer
  • Character in a British film
  • Circus performer
Categories
fiction lists poetry writing

things to think about

  • Gertrude Stein’s bookstore (Shakespeare and Company)
  • what Gertrude Stein and Agnes Martin have in common
  • Doll’s shoes
  • Salvadore Dali’s shoes
  • Tender Buttons
  • press and hold
  • what Ray Carver and Ernest Hemingway have in common
  • what Charles Bukowski and Ernest Hemingway have in common
  • what Charles Bukowski has in common with Gertrude Stein
Categories
lists snippets writing

gender u.

  • How to sneeze like a femme
  • The gender of sneezing
  • Sneezing like a princess
  • How to sneeze like a cat
  • How to hock a loogie in a demure way
  • The feminine way to fart
  • What to do with your arms when you’re sitting
  • What to do with your hands when you’re in a relaxed position
  • The belch of a woman
  • Feet flat on the floor vs. leg crossed