i will not spill it. You must learn in bits & pieces — shards at times — requiring a longish span of commitment. How long are you in for? It will look somewhat like this over the course of our lives: one day a bowl of strawberry ice cream; the next, necessary sleeplessness and a recurring nightmare; then favorite colors; old careers and professions of mine; and internal strife, struggles & fights with relatives & former boyfriends. Lesbian lovers. It will all come in time, this tide of mild & mania. It will all come in time.