I recently blew the dust from my old OKCupid account. Updated my info & pics. Unfortunately, due to the nature of my sexual orientation, my profile page makes me sound overeager — slutty, even. Right at the top, it says I am looking for “everyone,” being as I am bisexual. Couldn’t it just say I was looking for men and women? It sounds a little more selective. Or even better, men and especially women.
For the most part, the men on OKCupid don’t exactly know how to impress the ladies. They have goofy profile pics and sometimes even goofier names. One man chose to present himself to potential love interests as “pigblanket,” and another picked “lovemeorseduceme.”
Regardless, about 43 potential suitors have messaged me over the past four days. Mostly men. Some highlights of what we’re dealing with here: Tjjones8 wrote:
“Very pretty-where are u in Vegas? 35 Florida here used to live out there and am headed back. If u wanna talk say HI.”
Meanwhile, 702cohiba and PV1985 wrote “hello” and “hi,” respectively. Bigsmiles2222 was a little more charming. “You are beautiful!! Can I spoil you$$?,” he wrote, and then, “I would do whatever it took to be able to kiss you. I could kiss you for hours.” My reply was, “Tempting, but you had nothing on your profile when I checked.” Yet another guy, calling himself beezlyb, was sucking on a fish bowl-sized cocktail through a straw in his main profile image, so his flurry of messages to me have gone unanswered.
In an irony, various women on the site have caught my eye, but none of them has come calling. In fact, I’ve clicked “like” beneath about a half-dozen photos of female users on the “browse matches” page, and I’ve even written to a few.
On the flip side, only one guy roused me enough to “like” his photo, which featured him in a suit and tie. He had a well-groomed beard and was handsome. He had a warm smile and nice eyes. He also struck me as distinguished looking and intelligent, raising the possibility of good conversation during a date or while lying in bed after consummation. But when I read his profile, he used the word “duh” in his response to one of the questions, thereby disqualifying him.